The Masturbation Death Grip
Masturbation and sex. Both feel wonderful and you’ve been doing it as often as you can since you discovered it. But over time, the sensations have become weaker and it has become increasingly difficult to reach an orgasm, especially during sexual intercourse. Could it be that you’ve just gripped your penis so hard while masturbating all of these years that you’ve beaten the sensitivity out of it? You may very well be experiencing what is commonly called “death grip”, alright. In the sexual therapy world, it is also known as “delayed ejaculation” or “retarded ejaculation” (what an awful term). Although it is a type of sexual dysfunction, you most likely haven’t really beaten the sensitivity out of your penis. All of the nerve endings you’ve always had down there for enjoying touch and physical sexual sensations are all still there and alive, but your brain has become conditioned to your limited and direct method of stimulation over the years and it isn’t responding as intensely to the pleasure signals coming from your penis. This can be a frustrating situation, especially during sexual intercourse.
So How to Reverse The Masturbation Death Grip
Here are several things to try. This will take a bit of discipline, but it can be fun. Remember, sex and masturbation is supposed to be about fun, relaxation, and pleasure. There’s no reason to stress out over it.
Basic principles:
- Take a break and build up a burning desire for stimulation.
- Make time, then take your time.
- Utilize and experiment with a variety of methods to masturbate or reach orgasm.
- Focus on subtle sensations. Be gentle.
- Go for quality over frequency until you regain sensitivity.
You Can Improve Your Sensitivity Again with the Renewal plan
Week 1: Take a break from stimulation for 1 week.
Keep your hands (and anyone else’s) off your penis for one entire week. No sex. No masturbation. When you get erections, just endure them and appreciate them for what they are. Allow the tension and desire to build, and appreciate the pleasure of the erections themselves. Towards the end of the week, you should be going mad with desire to do something about it.
Also, during this focus on renewal, you might want to examine aspects of your lifestyle that contribute or detract from your overall wellness and sexual health. Believe it or not, a healthy diet, moderate exercise, adequate sleep, and good stress management can all help to improve your sex life.
Week 2: You may masturbate once this week.
Wait for it…it doesn’t matter what day of the week, but try to wait for an erection that happens on its own rather than causing an erection by using your hand. Sensations will likely be stronger if your body AND your mind are both naturally “in the mood” and your brain is causing the erection. In other words, it shouldn’t be “I command myself to masturbate now”, but rather “my body commands me to masturbate now”.
Make time for it. The days of rushing through masturbation are over. Speed and quick release are no longer the point of masturbating—not if you want to break the patterns that result in “death grip”. Make masturbating a priority and put other things off in order to have time to focus, relax, and enjoy.
Do not “jerk off”. Take your time, use a personal lubricant, use a loose grip, and be gentle. Remember, you are retraining yourself to be more responsive to gentle stimulation such as what you would feel during sex. In fact, you may want to consider getting something that makes masturbation feel more like sex, such as a boy toy
Lube is mandatory! No more dry fist. Personal lubricants are a must. Hands off your penis until you get some lube. End of conversation.
Let’s talk technique. You’re going to want to do two things:
- Masturbate in a variety of ways.
- Masturbate in ways that feel a more like sex.
Variety is the spice of life, and this is certainly true for sex and masturbation. Switch it up a little now and then to keep yourself from getting dependent on one single thing.
Try masturbating with a condom. The use of a condom can help limit the amount of sensation you feel from your hand, which can help reduce your tolerance to stimulation over time and boost your perceived sensitivity. This is especially helpful if you are having sex with a condom on and are having difficulty reaching an orgasm. You can begin to associate having a condom on with having orgasms. Plus, a condom makes for easier cleanup afterwards. Just be sure to put some lubricant inside the condom before putting it on. As with the lube, don’t be embarrassed to grab them at any store.
Weeks 3-4: Masturbate only twice each week, and use your new techniques.
As with the previous weeks, the rules are:
- Masturbate only when an erection happens on its own. Do not stroke yourself to an erection and then masturbate.
- Do it only when you have enough time to take however long you need.
- Use lube. (Consider trying condoms.)
- Use techniques that are more similar to sex, ie., gentle, lubricated, friction at a moderate speed.
What next?
If things are getting better, you can go back to masturbating more frequently, but some of the things you learned this past month need to be applied from now on. Those principles are:
- Be gentle.
- Take your time.
- Try to let erections happen naturally.
- Use lubricant.
- Try different methods periodically and focus on methods that simulate sex.
If you are still having some trouble, try repeating the steps for the month, but try to go two weeks without and then masturbate gently only once per week for the following two weeks of the month.